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| The Author as he would like to appear. |
Bless me father for I have sinned. It's been, well, way too long since my last blog post. I'm not really sure why I haven't written anything in a while. Life gets busy. We got a dog. Not enough free time in the day, and I suppose the muse left me for a bit.
I've been thinking a lot lately about growing older lately. On July 31st I'll be 40. I don't feel 40. I don't feel 39 for that matter. It's like I woke up one day and 20 damn years went by. I suppose until recently I never stopped to think about it.
The heroes of my childhood are graying at best and dying at worst. Seeing how few of the old 1960's Batman tv series actors are left alive was one thing, but seeing that the cast of the 90's Batman: The Animated Series are dying off is even harder to take.
I've never held anyone's age against them. I have friends that are a decade or more older than I am, and I have friends barely able to legally drink. If I feel a connection, I have no problem forming strong relationships with people in different seasons of their lives.
That being said, for the first time in my life I've begun hearing the comments. Not from my young friends mind you. They either don't think about age either, or they're polite enough to not mention it. The comments are of course comments about my rapidly approaching middle aged status.
The age when the young guys no longer see you as a threat, The age when the young women no longer see you at all. This may all sound regretful or wistful, but it really isn't. While I'm no longer the quick to excite or anger young guy, I can still summon up plenty of piss and vinegar as my bosses at work could attest to.
I remember being the young guy at Comic Universe when I was in my early teens. The guy who really tried to be a student of comic book history. Now I drop by Effin' Comics every wednesday late afternoon to be just another of the older guys bitching about how it used to be. On the plus side, I know a LOT about Comic History, and generally when I talk now, people listen.
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| Me. The Young guy at the comic shop back in the day. |
I've gone from Luke Skywalker to Obi Wan Kenobi. From Wally West to Jay Garrick. I've become a geek mentor to some, always glad to share my knowledge. In regular life I've become a trusted advice-giver to many of my younger friends. Sometimes they listen and heed my warnings, sometimes not, but they listen, and appreciate what I've learned.
I've lived long enough to know that the Three Stooges are timeless. That gritty vigilante's are cool, but bright hopeful heroes are even cooler. That you can throw a bunch of shit into ice cream, but sometimes vanilla and chocolate are better.
I've learned that what car you drive doesn't matter and that I'll take one that's paid off and running any day of the week.
I know that you really can't expect anyone to truly love you unless you learn to love yourself first.
I've learned that no one should "complete" you. You should already be complete. Find a partner not a crutch.
I know that if you want to know what someone's really like you should see how they treat children, the elderly, the mentally challenged and the unattractive.
I've lived long enough to see Harrison Ford become both Indiana Jones and Han Solo again.
I've lived long enough to see Garbage Pail Kids return. To see Michael Bay ruin the Transformers. Some other guys ruin G.I. Joe. Oh and Michael Bay ruin the Ninja Turtles too. Seriously starting to think we need to do something about this Bay guy.
I've seen some truly terrible things too. I've seen the greatest warriors of the last century, the ones who saved the world from Tyranny with a capital "T", grow old and pass away, lost to us forever. I have a hard time with that.
I've lost too much of my hair, and it's true what they say. You don't appreciate what you have until it's gone. I've had to get glasses, but on the plus side, the women seem to dig'em!
I spend too much time pondering my own mortality. Wondering if I'll be missed when I'm gone. Wondering what my family will do with all the ultimately useless pop culture collectibles I've amassed in my life. Wondering if I've made the impact I'd always hoped I would.
This isn't meant to be depressing, although it does make my mind wander down dark and lonely pathways. Ultimately I'm an optimist. My strange unknowable mind always wanders back into the light.
I know what's important. Trying to do good when you have the chance. Trying to be someone that people can look up to, but knowing we all disappoint ourselves and others sometimes. Finding a core set of values and doing your best to stay true to those values no matter how much you feel like faltering at times.
I think many people struggle with what they think is supposed to fill their time. Those that love nature and hiking and the beach would have the basement dwellers and shopaholics think that they lead some kind of inferior lives. Bullshit. Do what makes you happy. Do no harm. Those are the real rules to follow. If hiking makes you happy then hike. If hitting the yard sales brings you joy, then do it! Never let someone else make you feel bad about what you enjoy.
I collect things. I am a collector. I have always been. I shall always be. I feel joy in going to flea markets. I feel joy in going to toy stores. I feel joy in spending too much time on Ebay and collector forums. It makes me happy.
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| I'm driving the poor kid to drink! |
Want to know what else makes me happy? Love. The love I have for my wife and son. My wife who in my mind is truly the greatest mother since my own. My son who drives me crazy but softens my heart with his hugs and kisses. The love I have for my family, not that I show it well for some reason. The love I have for my friends. You know who you are. Especially you inner circle friends. The love I have for the people I care about is intense. Sometimes I express it with great heart and eloquence. Other times I don't express it well at all, but it's there.
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| I love these two weirdo's. |
As I begin the second half of my life, and let's be honest, I'll be lucky to make it past 80 with my eating habits and general disdain for exercise beyond walking, I plan to go on loving intensely. I plan to go on collecting. I intend to continue being the strange eccentric person I've always been. I plan to do so proudly and loudly because unless I love you then I really don't care at all what you may think about me.
If you're reading this, I'm guessing that's exactly who you want me to continue being. That makes me happy. I don't suppose I'll ever reach a huge audience with my writing, but that's ok. I write because I enjoy it. I write because maybe if you're reading this I'm hoping you'll understand me a little better.
I plan to upsize my friends and downsize my aquaintances. I find social media increasingly tedious and invasive.
I'm not downsizing any of these fools though, they're the greatest people in the world!
I wish I was just a little bit more irresponsible though. I really would love to just walk into my job tomorrow and quit. It's a terrible company to work for, Corrupt and uncaring. On the other hand the pays ok and the benefits are good and I'm a family man now.
Thanks for tuning into this rambling mess. I truly do appreciate it, and each and every one of you.
- Paul D. Poole
Thursday May 5th, 2016
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| The Author as he really is, and pretending to be happy about it. |
